i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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