piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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