So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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