Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
