I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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