Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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