woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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