Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
