he wants to bone in the snuggie
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
