I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're like the curious george of whores
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
