make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
