we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
