So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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