if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize