Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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