Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
