we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
