If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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