I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize