420 ftw
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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