So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
