I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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