Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
