My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
