I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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