you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
