The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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