Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
