I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
