I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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