rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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