please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
