hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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