One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
