FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my being single is dangerous.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
