there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
