You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
