I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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