I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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