I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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