On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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