Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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