Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We have started to decorate penises.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
