I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
