i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
