there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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