I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
