new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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