Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
