I love black thongs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
