we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
