I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
