i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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