DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
