i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
