we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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