i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
