I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My vagina just clenched in fear
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
