he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
