you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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