I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
