Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
