I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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